Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Retraction, Pt.3

This post is a Pt.3. There was also a Pt.2, and before that, a Pt.1.

And the other other thing is, eight inches ain't SHIT. Me saying eight or thereabouts - that isn't even a proper brag! Because that's average. You can't brag about average. Even a solid eight inches is just a bit towards the top end of the national average. So really, in the initial post, I mis-accused myself of "brag," there. Because that's silly. I might as well brag about being 5'11". That ain't brag.

You guys know I'm 5'11" right? For real. It's pretty sweet.

Sometimes it's a little funny. You'll get a lot of these guys who'll dispute me on that, when I state my height (upon being asked, of course - because 5'11" is nothing to brag about). They just about yelp, "YOU'RE NOT FIVE-ELEVEN!" They're looking a little bit up at me, with a touch of hysterical appeal in their eyes because you see, to them they're six feet. I get them out of it pretty well - I can usually palm it off on my shoes. I try not to look too closely at theirs, while doing so. People who need to knock others down are the biggest dicks there are.

Anyway. Who cares how big people's dicks are? It's a non-issue, a misdirection. The patriarchy foists it on us to keep us all divisive and disunited, eyeing the front of each others' PANTS while the MAN makes off with all the bitches and swag! Shall we fall for that? Shall we act the pawn in that low game, gentlemen?

Gentlemen, we have better things to do than re-measure our DICKS.

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