Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

How Much Is That In Bears?

In my house, bears were employed as standard units of measurement for various hyperbolic purposes.

It started out with either temperature or hunger as the accepted usage. You might come in from outside, cold still steaming from your icy lungs and declare "It's as cold as a BEAR out there." One-upmanship soon changed the bear from mere object of comparison to bona fide unit of measure: "I'm as hungry as a BEAR." "I'm as hungry as ten bears." Soon bear units were in use for all sorts of things, some fairly literal, others more poetic or fanciful:

"It was at least ten bears long."

"I've waited two whole bears for this!"

"I'm a bear and a half away from killing you."

"Did you hear their new album? A five-bear effort."

Or used more loosely:

"Damn it's hot. The sun's got bears on."

"That burger was bears on buns."

"Did you see that chick who just walked by?" "I saw about two hundred bears just walk by."

I'm not entirely sure all of these usages worked, in retrospect. But you have to admit it was a pretty vivid and versatile unit! The strange thing about bears as a unit of measure is: no matter the magnitude of whatever you're talking about, you give the effect of exaggeration when you measure it in bears.

Oooh, I almost forgot the most emphatic one of all: "I'm as hungry as a bear made out of bears."


The Vegetable Assassin said...

Well, today I learned that bears are WAY more versatile than I previously anticipated...

dogimo said...

You said a bear and a half.