Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

My Ass-Kicking FAQ: Each Question Submitted By An Actual Reader

So I wanted a FAQ, but I didn't know what to put as Frequently Asked Questions. What to do? Where do other people get their Frequently Asked Questions? I asked the readers, and they responded in spades!

Thanks, folks! Unlike other sites with a FAQ, where who the hell knows how they come up with their supposed "questions"? Sounds like a lot of PR to me!

Here then, without further ado, is my official list of reader-submitted Frequently-Asked Questions:

  1. Joe, what the fuck?
  2. What are you on??
  3. Joe, why the fuck?
  4. Joe, who the fuck?
  5. Is it true?
  6. How about it?
  7. How's the weather there?
  8. Why even bother?
  9. What happened to the Christmas spirit?
  10. Do you do catering?
  11. Where are my sunglasses?
  12. How do you say "how do you say" in Hindi?
  13. Grated parmesan?

That's a handsome list! I love it. Very existential!

I'm kind of adding the answers as I go. The answered ones are clicky-linky.


Sean Scully said...

Oh, man, I am so sorry I didn't get in on the FAQ assignment, "Cause I would have submitted this Frequently Asked Question:

Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy; a kid'll eat ivy too, wouldn't you?

Eva Gallant said...

So, when will there be answers to the FAQ?

dogimo said...

@Sean: sorry dude, too late. But save it for later though - once I finish answering these, I bet I end up rolling out a "FAQ 2" at some point.

@Eva: I've got about three out of thirteen answered already. I'll probably start rolling them out this week!

Sean Scully said...

If you do FAQ2, you really have to play up the sequel angle and give it a nifty, sequelly name, like:

FAQ2: The Bad Lieutenant's Revenge


FAQ2: Back to the Beach


FAQ2: 37 Days Later

that kind of thing. The possibilities simply overwhelm my imagination.

dogimo said...

Thanks for the reminder on Bad Lieutenant there, Seany. I had a hot review just sitting in drafts!

I think you're deliberately dropping New Order references - "Revenge" being the name of one of Hook's side project bands ('89-'93).

Mel said...

FAQ2: This Time It's Personal

limom said...

Where do you find these words?

dogimo said...

@limon: that particular one, I found from Naomi Watts in The Ring, to her editer, who she called a "pusillanimous prick." I believe his response was, "Nice alliteration. You're fired."

Wait, it was "punctilious prick."

Also, I got the sense he was firing her for some other backstory element. As an investigative journalist she was a bit of a loose cannon.

She talked her way out of it. She was on to a pretty hot story about some urban legend copycat videotape murders.