Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Monday, February 28, 2011

Talkin' Sweet #10

You're better than I deserve, darling. You're better than I deserve.

Now if you in your turn felt that I was better than you deserved, that would be an example of the math by which love makes life miraculous.

But I won't push. I won't push that interpretation.

HOW am I going to finish this DRAFT!!?

Editorial note: this post is SO OLD

Dang it!!!

I hit save on this at 1:20 PM, and it's been sitting in drafts ever since! It just said "DRAFT" in the subject line, nothing else, no thoughts, no wisdom - couldn't scrape up a scrap of anything inspired, in the middle of running around like a lemming! And now it's 4:11pm, and it feels too late. Alas, alack, awash in black I mourn the demise of another week, and shake my fist in anger at the approaching and much-loathed WORKLESS MONDAY! "Labor Day" indeed! Some way to celebrate labor! By not working! Irony - pah!

Hm. Speaking of work, speaking of words, speaking of lemmings, I bet they could set up like, a row of a hundred hamster wheels in front of a cliff, with lemmings in them - that'd be some kind of sweet performance art nature installation! They'd be all, running endlessly towards that sweet cliff. It would be like, a commentary on modern society, how the ceaseless spinning wheels we allow ourselves to be harnessed into are in the long run, just a slower variation on the mass leap of suicide that certain furrier lower organisms take by instinct, while we sit scratching our heads over why. While we sit running in place, and admiring our view of the precipice over which one day we two shall plunge. But not yet: work, work to be done. The wheels must wheel, for as long as we run.

There. Perfect.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Guess The Shakespeare Quote, As Reinterpreted By My Buddy Rob #26

SCORING RULES (CHECK BEFORE YOU ANSWER! - no credit for partials!)

Today's Guess The Shakespeare Quote As Reinterpreted By My Buddy Rob:

"Don't be scared of awesome. You could just be born awesome, or you could get that way on purpose, or maybe just circumstance comes in forcing you to be awesome."

Previous questions remaining open (THERE FOR THE TAKING!):
*NONE

Scoring remains open until the first correct answer is posted! Full score for 1st correct answer, half score for all subsequent correct answers until close of scoring.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Happy Presidents Day?

Why isn't there a Congressperson's Day, huh? How come there isn't a Senator's Day? At least combine the two and take care of both with a Legislators Day. What the hell? Why is it that the Executive Branch gets all the National Holiday love?

For that matter, where's the Judiciary, in all of this? Come on - if there's a Presidents Day then there ought to be a Supreme Court Justice's Day! This should have been ruled unconstitutional by now. It's a gross violation of Checks & Balances! What does this say about our "Triple System" - or whatever we call it? Checks & Balances! There's supposed to be the Executive Branch: that's the Check. And then there's the Legislature - that's the Balance. Then your Judiciary comes in right between them: The Ampersand. But with a Presidents Day and no Day for the other two - the whole thing's gone out of whack!

For God's sake, even the Secretary of State has a day. Well, he or she sort of has to share it with the other Secretaries, but it's still a pretty high honor, to have that Day, and to get, whatever. Flowers. Maybe a card from the boss. It's kind of nice!

But the Legislature and Judiciary are left out in the cold, Day-wise.

Hell, I guess thinking about it, this whole Presidents Day observance was probably trumped up by the Legislature in the first place, as an ass-kissing measure. I really don't picture it coming into being via Executive Order! Picture Abraham Fucking Lincoln laying that proclamation down..."Um, Four Score and Whatever, let's decree a Day to celebrate how big a boss I am of pretty much everything. Let's celebrate me for a change." And then his wife Martha would be all, "Hey Abe, better make it look a little better than that. Put in some of the other Presidents, too." But in fact, if you check your history - this never happened until much later. So my original theory is probably dead-on: Abraham Lincoln did it.

Or wait, no - my original theory was Congress did it! As an ass-kissing measure. Whew, the problem with me is that some of my reductiones ad absurdum get so plausible that they can kind of run away with you.

So anyway, yeah. Maybe Congress just felt they didn't need to pander to themselves on that one. But what the hell, Congress!

At least throw the Supreme Court Justices a bone.

Sunday, February 20, 2011

twilight way

We definitely went the wrong way.
Tall trees in front, above, behind us
turning into silhouettes, against
a pink and bright blue monster
streaming up with reaching tendrils pressed
above and over, peeking down at us
through one long rent - a gap
someone has scratched through thick black crayon wax,
along the bent and twisting trail
that trails behind
and bends ahead for miles and miles
- "how did we miss the turn?" I ask.
"there weren't any turns," you sigh
"But isn't this the way we came?" I say,
despite our upward climb. We know by now,
we should be going down - and soon,
we will be blind

Original Sin

Original sin is often misunderstood. Sin is an impediment. An obstacle. Most of the sin we hear talk about, the sin is by our own free choice. Sin: anything you knowingly choose to put between yourself and God, is sin.

Original sin is different, but easy enough to understand. Original sin is also an impediment, an obstacle between us and God. What's misunderstood is the nature of the impediment, because it is one we were created with, rather than one we chose. How is this so?

Original sin is very simply: the natural consequence of God's gift.

God's gift to us is life. "God's gift" means - that life is ours. It is no longer God's. God's gift is a gift fully given. From the moment the gift is given, it is fully ours. God doesn't gift with strings attached!

All original sin means is that God gave you your life. So you could make your self, so you could choose and grow into who you will become, God gave you your life. What original sin means is that God won't force you to give yourself back to God, not if you don't want to. That choice-as-yet-unmade is the separation, and the impediment.

Once we give ourselves fully and freely back to God - if we choose to give ourselves back to God! - we are then fully our own and fully God's. The impediment of original sin is gone. We are still fully our own - because we have not rejected God's gift! But we are now fully God's, as well. We have brought God's gift of life full circle, by adding our own life to it - the life we are making, and have made - and giving it as a gift to God.

We are fully ours and fully God's, because each of us has kept what the other has given.

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Web Comic "Cat and Girl" Has Gotten Way Too Intellectual For Me

You be the judge. Go look it up yourself!

To be perfectly clear: not way too intellectual for me to enjoy.

Way too intellectual for me to understand.

Quote of the Day: a Moral Victory Maybe?

"Some people are made out of fail. Others are made out of win. I'm going to be satisfied if by the end of my life, I'm made out of tie."

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Prospective Restaurant Menu Sections for Gil's Fancy "Family-Style" Down-Home Luxury Restaurant #1: The Burger Section

Here at Gil's Fancy we pride ourselves on offering a whole selection of burgers, and some of them gourmet! - all in keeping with our "Family-Style" concept and tradition. Try any of them yourself no matter who you are! We don't care, and we won't judge.

The Husbandburger: this one heads the household and wears the dang pants in this restaurant, if you know what I mean! A big half-pound of lean ground chuck and sirloin, cooked how you like it well-done with charred crispy bits on the outside, blood rare in the middle. There is a thick slice of beefsteak tomato, there are three thin-sliced rings of raw onion, there is a big crisp leaf of butter lettuce to the side, in case you want that (what I do myself is leave it off the burger, and pretend it's a very austere salad). Ketchup, mustard at your table! Mayo by request. Cheese extra, per slice of cheese. Get as many as you want! You call the shots, and trust us to melt the odd slices over and the even slices under that patty - The Gil's Fancy Way! Don't ask how we manage that, it's a house secret.

The Wifeburger: this hard-working quarter pound of lean beef is butt-slappin' tasty! Whether you just spent a hard day at the office job, bringing home the bacon, or whether you did yeoperson's work all day dusting and polishing, not neglecting to keep an eye on the soaps! - the one thing I know you don't want to have to do for dinner is slave over a hot oven in the kitchen. Tell that man of yours to take you on down to Gil's Fancy, and let us slave - we just love it! This refined, gourmet palate-pleasing treat of a burger combines our special garlic-simmered button mushrooms with special gruyère cheese-style "fondue" sauce, and believe you me missus, that's all you need! Take a bite first before you go slathering on the condiments! Heaven. You like mushrooms, don't you? If you don't, just tell 'em "leave all that crap off" - tell 'em Gil said it's O-Kay! It's a delicious burger no matter what, and honey you deserve it.

The Sonburger: This extra rad, and extra extreme third-pound of a patty is just about guaranteed to please. Topped with a slice of free cheddar, three strips of bacon, tomato, grilled onion, and lettuce (to the side, The Gil's Fancy Way), when you bite into this you will just about surely have to put it down and say "awesome," once you're finished chewing and swallowing! The bun on this sucker has stripes of cheese baked right criss-crossed across it for extra flavor - why, you'll swear it's just like those little fishy crackers! Only fresh and soft, with just a hint of crispyness across the top from the baked-in cheese. Gil's Fancy eating technique tip: chaw into this one held upside-down. Extreme? Awesome.

The Daughterburger: Honey I know it's been awkward since you declared for Vegetarianism, but one place it never has to be awkward is Gil's Fancy Restaurant. Despite our affordable pricing policy, we know all about gourmet and luxury stances, and that includes your little political and cruelty causes and such. We're here to help you through this phase with no loss of great taste! This thing's some kind of, it's a tofu or grain concoction of some kind, very natural albeit some might say the idea of a meatless burger itself is pretty unnatural, we don't truck with those attitudes here. Sweetie I tried this thing myself, and it is so good when you bite into it, you'll swear there's meat in there - while we'll swear there isn't. Even the bun's got no eggs and zero milk! I admit the bun's kind of moist and dense, and slightly crumbly, texture-wise - please feel free to tell 'em "Gimme a real bun!" if you want! As long as you're one of those half-veg people that still eats eggs and milk, that's no moral compromise for you - and you'll be glad you did!

But that's not all! In addition to the menu, keep an eye cocked toward the big chalk-board by the maitre-D' stump on the way in, for our ever-popular "Special" burgers! Available nightly when available, never listed on the menu: The Ex-Wife Burger (a monster of a triple-patty cheese six-slicer with our special Mayo), The 2nd-Wife Burger (a lo-carb special, very popular when we have it and so good, you'll wolf it down at an aerobic rate), and the very special Uncle Gil's Bastardburger (this is one bad patty, first blackened char-fried in a red hot skillet with cajun spices, then beer-battered and deep fried to a golden crisp, topped with bleu cheese and bacon times four and slapped between two home-made belgian waffles - be sure to slop ketchup all into those waffle-pockets! Your mouth will reward you, on every bite).

Burgers are just the least of the delights we've got to offer to you down here at Gil's Fancy Restaurant, but that about covers it as far as they go! And we do recommend them. When you try one yourself, you'll know why we say here at Gil's Fancy that here at Gil's Fancy, we do burgers very well.

So remember! Next time you're hungry, and you find yourself in the mood for a meal like you haven't had lately, let that be the cue for you to tell yourself hey, it's been too long since I took a trip down to Gil's Fancy "Family-Style" Down-Home Luxury Restaurant. You can't stay away forever, don't deprive yourself! Come on down to Gil's Fancy! Where we invite you to "fill up" on free bread.

Constructive Outbursts In Work Meetings #5: Goals

Person B: Screw goals! Goals are for people who don't know what they're doing. Serious! Because if you have to sit down real hard and think for a long time about what your goals are, "Find a job where you can actually know what you're doing" better be Goal #2!

Person A: Wait. What's Goal #1?

Person B: Well for the immediate need, first you want to come up with some good-ass goals.

Doodeloo #75

Photobucket

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Guess The Shakespeare Quote, As Reinterpreted By My Buddy Rob #25

SCORING RULES (CHECK BEFORE YOU ANSWER! - no credit for partials!)

Today's Guess The Shakespeare Quote As Reinterpreted By My Buddy Rob:

"So by the time I finished telling her all that,
She was putting out sighs, and swearing -
She said it was weird. Fuckin' weird,
and heart-rending. Poignant as fuck, really,
and on one hand she's like I kind of wish you didn't tell me!
but on the other hand she kind of wished she'd been born a dude."

Previous questions remaining open (THERE FOR THE TAKING!):
*NONE

Scoring remains open until the first correct answer is posted! Full score for 1st correct answer, half score for all subsequent correct answers until close of scoring.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Random Thought on the Star Wars Prequels

You know at first, I hated how whiny and ineffectual the acting was in the Anakin role. But now I see that it actually sets us up perfectly for Mark Hamill's performance as Luke!

He is his father's son.

The Grammy Award Statuette Should Be Shaped Like A Jewish Grandmother!

Oh wait. I guess "Grammy" probably isn't exclusively Jewish usage, though. Hmmm.

Yeah, a quick Google-Brand Engine-Search™ backs me up on this one: "Grammy" is pretty widely used for "Grandmother," across various and sundry ethnicities. It is by no means exclusively Jewish.

I guess they could change the name to the Bubbie Awards!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Top H List #8: Top H Things To Do While You Die

H. Shout "STOP IT!! Stop it...! stop it..."
G. Count each breath.
F. Faint at the sight of blood.
E. Get into an argument about the afterlife. With passerby, if available.
D. Come out of the closet. But not if you're not actually gay! Don't just do it for the sake of appearing to be "hip"
C. Lie back on your back, chest rising and falling, looking out into the cold infinity of the stars. WARNING: only works at night, outside.
B. The New York Times Crossword Puzzle!
A. Put your iPod on shuffle and hit play.

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

THE MIGHTY THOR: Harmless Cinematic Diversion, or Abomination Before The Lord?

I bet this Thor movie gets some real protests going from the whole monotheist crowd. Crowd-slash-lobby. I mean, come on - a "THUNDER GOD"?? Monotheists hate that shit. Let's face it - Odin is not Jehovah with an eyepatch, okay? The systems are incompatible.

But what if they weren't? How cool would it be if God just liked to dress up in costumes back in the day, treat all the little different tribes and peoples each a little differently...? "Hm, these seafaring marauders, I know just the thing! An eyepatch, arrrrrh matey."

And then St. Michael would be all, "Good God. I am not going to participate in this whole 'Ragnarok' mess. Been there. Done that!"

Guess The Shakespeare Quote, As Reinterpreted By My Buddy Rob #24

SCORING RULES (CHECK BEFORE YOU ANSWER! - no credit for partials!)

Today's Guess The Shakespeare Quote As Reinterpreted By My Buddy Rob:

"Man - what are you like, girl? July or something?
You're prettier than that. You're more warm and pleasant than that.
It's going to get windy in a couple three months,
and I bet summer goes by fast.
It gets too fucking hot too! sometimes,
Or cloudy. Hazy.
But shit, everything pretty gets ugly occasionally, right?
It's all either luck, or maybe instinct run amok.
But you, bitch: your good shit STAYS.
What you got's yours to keep.
Even that bitch death can't claim your light -
because I said all this shit about you,
and people will keep reading it.
(WORD.)"

Previous questions remaining open (THERE FOR THE TAKING!):
*NONE

Scoring remains open until the first correct answer is posted! Full score for 1st correct answer, half score for all subsequent correct answers until close of scoring.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

I Thought of an Idea!

It was awesome.

Later I forgot it, but I remember how awesome it was. The idea itself has gone, but the glow of accomplishment it left behind, man. I'm still enjoying it.

I'm sure the idea itself will come back around at some point! Probably. Of course, then again maybe it won't. But who cares? I'm still just basking in the glow.

Man, I love getting ideas like that. Those are the best kind.

Warning: There's No Need For Me To Actually Believe You.

You know, I was thinking about trust, in conjunction with some of the stuff I was musing on here, and I'm not certain I nailed it. I was saying that basically, I believe everyone; I take it for granted that what they are telling me, they believe is true. But I thought a little deeper on this, and that might not actually be what's happening. The effect is the same! The effect is that I trust them, for the sake of hearing them out and giving a sincere response. But I think what's actually happening is not belief, but pure skepticism that embraces the truth of another's statement 100%, as a hypothetical.

I think that what's actually happening. It's kind of operating on a subconscious level, but that feels like the truth of what's actually happening. All of my responses in any conversation are hypothetical. I take the other person's statement as my premise, and then proceed as if it were true. Let's be honest, rarely if ever does any crisis occur that requires me to make a final determination on the absolute truth value of any statement. I mean, come on. I'm kind of a private citizen. So in practice - whenever someone tells me a thing is true? I can pretty much always "proceed as if."

I don't believe, per se - I don't make a judgment: "This is true." Nor do I disbelieve. I don't even "doubt," properly speaking. It is, after all, a conversation! I can always accept a premise for the purpose of a conversation (or "for the sake of argument," as the saying goes). That isn't hard. I can take what a person says as stated, and answer them on that same basis. I'm not a fucking moron.

Of course, I'll note in passing anything that pops problematic! If their statement contradicts observable reality, I will point that out. If their statement sets up a contradiction with their previous statements, I will point that out. But absent such conflict, why would I not "proceed as if"? There's no drawback that I've experienced, and the benefits are compelling. Taking their statement entirely as a given allows its value to be fully explored!

Boy, I don't even know how I came up with this whole mode, or attitude or whatever. It works so great! People, I can't claim any credit for it. It's purely instinctual. In fact I'm still trying to figure out the dynamics, and I've been doing it this way since I was seven if not earlier. But it sure works great! And for the other person - what a great deal! All the benefit of the benefit of the doubt, and never impugned by any actual consciously-experienced doubt. Pure suspension of judgment - and why not? Does my mere belief alter reality? I believe it does not. I could be wrong, I suppose.

Who do you trust? Hell! Trust everybody! Why not? Just for the sake of argument, why not?

Why are people so obsessed with pretending they can determine the truth value of the statements of others? I mean what the hell. At what point does it help you? At what point does self-delusion help you find your way on what to say, or what to decide?

Maybe people just like to tell themselves "yeah, I know whether people are telling the truth." To which I'd respond, hey, how's that working out for you? Do you get anything out of that that I don't get?

Monday, February 07, 2011

Today Is Just Not My Day

But if today were my day, then I would dedicate it to the suffering poor of all nations.

ALL-CAPS CONFESSIONS #2

WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL I KNEECAPPED MY ALGEBRA TEACHER WHO I'D BEEN SLEEPING WITH FOR CHEATING ON ME, AND THEN I LIED ABOUT IT. ACTUALLY I LIED ABOUT IT RIGHT HERE. SHE DIDN'T CHEAT ON ME. I WASN'T SLEEPING WITH HER, EITHER. IN FACT I'VE NEVER KNEECAPPED ANYBODY, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW ALGEBRA WORKS.

Sunday, February 06, 2011

Thursday, February 03, 2011

Punks - Episode #2

Punks - Episode #2 from DaveAOK on Vimeo.

Infamy At A Pool Hall #10

WARNING: Infamy at a Pool Hall is a recurring feature that periodically spotlights the myriad vile and contemptible slurs, japes and other utterances heard at the pool hall during our regular Thursday night sessions. Shameful to admit, these are not infamies overheard from other tables! - presumably voiced by lowlifes, who have no better excuse for how to act - but rather, they are remarks spoken loud and aloud exclusively by mouths from among our own regular group of fellows, all of whom to look at you would ordinarily assume would have a little more fucking class than that. The twin demons of pool and beer weave a sad web, one that ensnares even the most upright knights of morality it seems, in this, the tenth in an increasingly appalling series of installments of: Infamy at a Pool Hall.

"Ten in the corner." "Do you have to?"


"Man, this Anchor Steam's a little skunky." "FUCK YOU! I LOVE THE STEAM!"


"Nice shot. That was the shot of the night!" "Okay Nostradamus!"


"That girl with the flower in her hair is nice." "Dude, she's like twelve. You sick fuck." "First she's no way twelve, but second I didn't say I wanted to have sex with her!" "I said 'YOU SICK FUCK.' Are you trying to tell me after all I've known you that that is not an accurate statement?" "Fair point." "Dude, I knew damn well you're no pedophile." "Actually, it'd be 'ephebophile' - a pedophile is sexually into pre-pubescent minors; those minors who have as yet developed no secondary sexual characteristics. Tits like that...assuming she's a minor, I'd be an ephebophile." "Dude, I knew damn well you're no ephebophile." "Thanks, man! That means a lot. Because, I'm really not you know." "I knew you're not." "Damn straight."


"Oooo you were right. This Anchor Steam's a little skunky."


"Actually, that whole pedophile/ephebophile thing. I'll level with you, it's kind of creepy you know so much about it. How often do you get accused?" "Well what can I say, I'm a sick fuck."


"When you can't get by on a wing and a prayer...a leg and a curse will get you there." "Write that one down."


"Zeppelin vs. Stones? I always saw it as more Beatles vs. Stones and then Zep vs. Floyd." "What the fuck are you talking about?"


"You know what, that's another thing! I am so sick of this boy-who-cried-'hypocrisy' bullshit! Everyone's so afraid of hypocrisy. You'd rather live your life as a pussy-dick coward saying nothing can be right, nothing wrong - embrace apathy and never take a stand on a damn thing - just so long as you never have to worry about getting hit with that 'hypocrite' charge! Oh no I can't say it's wrong to break a solemn vow I took. I can't say that's wrong. Because some people break that vow, those hypocritical scumbags! Or I can't say 'drugs bad' because then some people say that and later you find - drug habit! Oxycontin! Um. I got news for you: hypocrisy isn't when you state an ideal you believe in, and then later fail to be perfect to that stated ideal. Fucking morons think being human equals hypocrisy! If that were the case, none of us could ever even say out loud what we believe is right. Do you care to tell me we can't tell a thing is wrong? You want to tell me that it's not wrong to make a solemn vow and then shit all over it? Bullshit. It is wrong. Yes, people do it! Yes, it's a common human failing. Guess what? That's why we say it's a fucking failing. Because it is in fact fucking wrong. I'm not for condemning people to the gallows for being human, I don't give a shit about judging motherfuckers. But I tell you it takes either a moron or a last-class intellectual coward to call it hypocrisy when a person has simply stood up for a thing, and fallen devastatingly short. Human? Yes! Scumbag? May be. Hypocrite? No. That's not what hypocrisy is." "Could you sum it all up a little tighter, maybe? I wasn't listening. But it sounded good! Give it to me again in one sentence." "I'll try. Gimme a minute."


"Man, this skunky Steam is still p. d. good." "Actually it tastes shitpissy even when it's fresh." "... You're barefootin' on ice, friend." "Translation?" "It means either 'don't slip', 'put some boots on', or 'step lively or else you're going to end up getting your toes cut off.'" "You know what man, it's people like you who confuse the issue."


"Man, this new Black Keys album is so good you can put ten dollars in the jukebox and still not play all of it." "...doesn't that mean more that it's so long?" "You and your damn precision adjectives. Shoot the damn nine." "Um, I'm solids." "I tell you what, then, you'd have to be a real badass to make that nine-ball shot." "... You know what, it is a pretty sweet shot."


"Hypocrisy is the only sin we have left." "Much better! Succinct."


"So wait. You've said what hypocrisy isn't. What do you say hypocrisy is??" "Dude." "Yeah." "You really just asked me that?" "Well I'd like to hear - it sounds like you've put some thought into this." "Gimme a minute. I need to put some thought into this." "Not too much!"


"I can't believe I won the first three games and then I let you win three in a row." "We're tied." "BULLSHIT we'll see who's tied after this next game!!"


"You know, lightning is invisible in space." "God. What are you talking about now?" "In space, lightning is invisible. We can only see lightning here because of the atmosphere. The visible light is generated by the incandescence of the air molecules superheated by the barrage of charged particles passing through them. In space, there would be nothing to see - completely invisible." "There is no lightning in space." ... [pause] "...how would you know?"


"Okay. Hypocrisy is when you state an ideal, and you advocate that ideal to others, all the while you know damn well you don't even subscribe to it yourself. THAT my friend is detestable. THAT is a hypocrite, and it is worth its bad name. But these douche-tools who self-righteously blubber 'hypocrisy!' when you stand up before the world and the ones you love, and you say what you truly believe is right - when you commit to an ideal that means something to the people around you to whom and with whom you make that commitment, when you have the common decency or the increasingly uncommon courage just to stand up for something that IS good, IS right - only to find that life comes in years later and you find you have wronged? Wronged yourself. Wronged another. Failed in what you knew damn well was the right thing to do. Well give yourself as much shit as you want for that, as long as you do not bitch out and claim what you knew was right is NOT right. Don't stop saying what you did is a wrong thing. Own up to doing wrong. Own up to failing. Own up, maybe, to being a piece of shit even; in your own eyes. In the eyes of the people you let down. Own your own failure: because what you did was wrong. But you weren't a hypocrite to know it was wrong. You weren't a hypocrite to say it was wrong - to stand up for that, before or after. And though you may even be a piece of shit, to fail your own best ideal and to betray what you truly believed - but that's not hypocrisy. That's not what hypocrisy is. Hypocrisy is a far worse thing than just being a failure at doing what's right. Hypocrisy is a far worse than just being flawed. Hypocrisy is pretending to be moral." ... [long pause] ... "That's all very -" "Wait a sec, one more thing - even a hypocrite is a fuck of a lot better for the world than these spine-tards who refuse to admit a thing can be wrong. Because at least a hypocrite generally advocates in favor of something right even if the son of a bitch isn't in earnest!" ... [much shorter pause] ... "Done?" "Yup." "Will you please shoot the fucking eight ball you fucking hypocrite."


"It's not the fault of the Anchor Steam. I'm willing to testify in court that some other factor is to blame here, because that's not it."

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Only a Sampling of Rave Reviews for Consider Your Ass Kicked! Pt.1

The below sampling is only meant to prime the pump! Leave your own rave reviews in the comments. I'll publish the best of the best in my own forthcoming Pt.2 to this post!

"Consider Your Ass Kicked! is that most unusual of treasures: on one hand a gigantic monster three hundred feet high with slavering flange-like fangs laying elegant waste to the greater Tokyo metropolitan area, on the other, a fiftybazillion-mega-shit-tons-of-love warhead, fitted into a missile designed to fire out backwards into the wake of earth's orbit, circle round the wrong way and come back around front this time six months from now to solve all the world's problems in one magnificent good-for-you blast bang!"

- dogimo of Consider Your Ass Kicked!

"All aspiring bloggers should get a big eyeful of Consider Your Ass Kicked! for tips on what not to do - and by that, I don't mean because here they've been done wrong. I mean: just don't even try. Don't try to do any of this. Closed Course. Professional Driver. Do Not Attempt! You're just going to make yourself look bad."

- dogimo of Consider Your Ass Kicked!

"Consider Your Ass Kicked! chief blogger and superintendent 'dogimo' rides herd on a bucking bronco of cornucopial goodies bursting, spewing and spilling forth with a slam-dunkulous hoard of stunning one-offs and serial themes, plus a rambunctious horde of recurring features by contributors such as 'Advice For The Hatelorn, by Blister The Lipstick Clown,' the now-classic 'Ask The Scientificus' - and the current riotously-successful run of 'Shakespeare Paraphrase by My Buddy Rob.'

- dogimo of Consider Your Ass Kicked!

"No blogger on the internet 'shows his ass' more consistently, completely, continuously, enjoyably, or to greater net effect than dogimo of Consider Your Ass Kicked!"

- dogimo of Consider Your Ass Kicked!

"I start my day with it! How did I get along without it!"

- dogimo of Consider Your Ass Kicked!

"'Consider' this a rave review for Consider Your Ass Kicked!"

- dogimo of Consider Your Ass Kicked!

Guess The Shakespeare Quote, As Reinterpreted By My Buddy Rob #23

SCORING RULES (CHECK BEFORE YOU ANSWER! - no credit for partials!)

Today's Guess The Shakespeare Quote As Reinterpreted By My Buddy Rob:

"True love gets us into some weird shit, but just like everything dies....love's pretty stupid."

Previous questions remaining open (THERE FOR THE TAKING!):
*NONE

Scoring remains open until the first correct answer is posted! Full score for 1st correct answer, half score for all subsequent correct answers until close of scoring.

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

ALL-CAPS CONFESSIONS #4

ONE TIME I FELL HALF-WAY DOWN STAIRS. THEN I SAID, "FUCK IT" AND FELL THE REST OF THE WAY DOWNSTAIRS.

IT JUST WASN'T WORTH GETTING BACK UP. ALSO, THE STAIRS WERE REALLY...THICKLY CARPETED.

NO, I WAS NOT DRUNK. AT LEAST, I WAS NOT THAT DRUNK. NOT SO DRUNK THAT I WOULD DO THAT.

WAIT.

OK I GUESS TECHNICALLY I WAS.

a drinking contest between me and the wine.

DANG IT

Wrong blog.

Sorry.

EDIT: the wine won.

EDIT2: except of course I should note, the supposed "wine" was only a controlling metaphor within the poem in question, titled a drinking contest between me and the wine. and located http://apocketfulofpoesy.blogspot.com/2011/02/drinking-contest-between-me-and-wine.html.

It's not really about wine.

a word on free verse.

A poem without rhythm is a performance artist. The tragedy is, this performance artists thinks he is an interpretive dancer.

Without rhythm, he is wrong.