Do You Feel Lucky?

(and feel free to comment! My older posts are certainly no less relevant to the burning concerns of the day.)

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

April Is Poetry Month Pt. 3

Okay. Here it is. Down to the wire. I'm just going to let fly, let the creative juices fly.

Don't let any get on ya now.

You know, I hope you appreciate the fact that I could have just snuck a poem out from my secret poetry blog and passed it off as if it had just been written, but nope. NOPE sir. Not me. That wouldn't be square.

So I'm just going to have to go off. Bus' it.

A poem.

A poem about...heck, who cares at this point. A dang POEM at any rate.


my hands gone cold in yours so warm
you've caught my breath, at last
With just one look you stop my heart, but
my blood flows twice as fast

I can't describe the shape you make
inside my heart and mind
picture all the universe,
as chains of stars unwind
you've knocked them out of orbits
by the sheer force of your pull
they all fall into circles,
concentric upon you

My forehead up to yours
the firmament on 'spin'
our love is heavier than suns
the universe leans in

our hands enlaced
collapsing star
drawn further in
to where we are


time skips

lightspeed standing still

we know what comes next,

And we can wait -


Monday, April 28, 2008

April Is Still Poetry Month


As I mentioned in a previous post, April is Poetry Month, and I haven't even so much as put up one poem here all month! Got to rectify. I'm almost out of time, here.

Okay. For starters I could at least refer you to several fine poems of old, and/or yore:

The Sea-Bird
(plus some explanatory notes On The Sea-Bird)

A Bird Lies Dead

and even,
lullaby blessing
- which also has birds in it.

But birds or no, I feel like I'm bitching out here if I don't produce a brand-new one, written this selfsame April, in honor of Poetry Month.

I gotta do it. I'm a damn poet! This is MY MONTH.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

The Standing Relay Race: Another Idea Someone Else Must Already Have Had. By God, Surely Someone Must Have.

Okay. Standing Relay Race. I think this would be a somewhat fun sport/game for like, company picnics or something where there are a lot of non-athletes, but you want to get everyone involved in a quasi-sporting teamwork-based competition event.

So. The Standing Relay Race! "How does it work." "Easy." Suppose there's like, thirty people there. You want a bunch. You can't do this competitively with five people. So suppose you have thirty people, and 3 batons.

You need batons, I forgot to tell you that. Pack the batons before you hit the park-grounds. If you're just right now reading this sitting on your wi-fi enabled ass in the park, surfing for some fun activities suggestions for your big outdoor group or whatever who have already congregated around looking stupid with nothing to do but nibble on tidbits from a colorful patterned dixie plate of more or less delectable oddments and endments whilst balancing a waxy paper cup of cola with one ice cube in it and listening to the 10 year old rap dance hits of DJ Steve from Marketing's CD collection - if that's the position you're already in, by this point I'm sorry, but I can't much help your ass.

However, if you have had the hard-earned hindsight and the presence of mind to go scrounging for ideas first, and you've stumbled in here for that purpose, then in that case it's not too late for me to tell you: bring batons. You need batons.

So let's say you have 30 people and 3 batons. Merely for simplicity's sake. This just is an arbitrary distribution, you can make it work with other people to baton ratios. Just adjust it up with a little simple math. I'm not going to get into that heavily. That's not what this article is about, here. There are other websites to teach you that. So leave that aside, I'm moving forward with the 30:3 so as to illustrate in simple terms the way the game works.

Here are the rules:

1. Each team gets a baton. That gives you three teams with one baton each.

2. You then form up 3 teams of ten people each, in parallel lines of equal length with about a foot between each person. So it's a 30 foot race track. Or maybe 60 foot. If each person has a foot on their left and a foot on their right, it could work out to 60. However it works out is fine. You don't have to measure it - honestly, it doesn't matter that much. Just so each team has an equal number of people forming lines of uniform length.

3. Nobody runs. Each team forms a line, and each team gets a baton at the starting line, and when the gun goes off, nobody runs. To ensure this, best to not actually use a gun. Whatever else will serve the purpose to say "GO!" is fine. Some use one of those shrill referee-style whistles.

4. So like I'm saying, no running. It's not that kind of race. No running, just passing the baton. Pass it forward. Fast as you can. No skipping links in the chain! The baton must pass from person to person by hand. No throwing.

5. I guess throwing is allowed, but each link in the chain MUST have full and legal possession of the baton! No skips. So if you've got it, you can toss it to the next guy, but he has to catch it properly. No like, juggling it up across the top of the line with some people only just barely fingertipping it as it goes by! Although that would be cool to see if you could pull it off, but you can't do it. Especially since...

6. The baton cannot at any point touch the ground! Whatever team drops the baton, they have to scoot it all the way back to the starting line, dust it off properly, and pass it forward again from the very beginning. Maybe it would be simpler just to eliminate the team that drops the baton, but you don't want to rule out one of those miracle comebacks like in one of those cheesy 80's summer camp movies where the scrappy misfit team wins despite whatever trumped-up junk happened to them to set the stage for them having the deck stacked so heavily in their disfavor. A situation like that, however rare in real life, is all the sweeter for it when it actually happens! So you'd like to at least leave the door open to the possibility, I'd like to think.

7. Whichever team passes the baton to the finish line first wins! Maybe they would also have to shout something, in token of their victory.

See, that's fun, and safe. A little low-impact competition.

I think this idea is a winner. I can't find it on google, but it seems like such a natural idea. I'm surprised as to why this idea wasn't independently come up with already (if indeed it hasn't been) and indeed, as to why it may not already be the craze of outdoor gatherings where people come together for good, wholesale fun.

OPTIONAL RULE: If it's a corporate picnic and everyone has a good sense of wry sarcasm, and you find you have neglected to bring the batons for the relay, you can substitute a buck for each baton. That will work too.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Thoughts Upon Watching Rent: the Movie Version

* Is this not basically Fame without the high school?

* All the struggling young New York artists I used to hang out with lived in these awful little apartments that looked as if someone ten years prior had applied twenty coats of off-white paint to a rotting closet.

* There always was something sexy about a santa claus coat on somebody pretending to be a girl.

* It's kind of cool that it's mostly songs! Not a lot of dialogue. Unusual for a musical.

* You know what I'd like to see more of in these supposed "rock operas"? Recitative.

* "You'll be my queen and I'll be your moat"?

To be fair, I was just kind of wandering into and out of the room occasionally while it was on. I probably would have had a lot more thoughts if I'd soaked in it.

So Is Magic Johnson in the Clear Now, or What?

Seems like you don't hear a lot these days about HIV the virus that causes AIDS anymore. Seems like media coverage has slowed. I think if you're a disease, they shouldn't stop covering you just for fashionable reasons. I remember years ago you would open up a SPIN magazine and they would have some big multi-page article on HIV the virus that causes AIDS, and the article was all about some doctor claiming that maybe it didn't. But that dude...later, that dude was discredited. I'm pretty sure. Still. Seems weird he could have pulled the wool over the eyes of a then-major publication like SPIN. I guess he made a pretty persuasive case.

But the point is, even a totally marginal story about a totally marginal crackpot theorist like that would get major coverage in a then-read national publication. These days? Nary a peep, or nigh-nary at any rate.

You know, you don't hear much about SPIN anymore either. Are they still around?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Internet Facts About Chuck Norris

I enjoy the internet facts about Chuck Norris. I enjoy them. But more than that, they have made me respect Chuck Norris. Whereas before reading the internet facts about Chuck Norris, I always thought Chuck Norris was kind of a joke.

Not now, though.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Thought of the Day Pt. 32 (I think)

If Nietzsche had a car, it would have been cool for his bumper sticker to have said "Kill God And Let 'Em All Sort It Out."

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Evolution: Get It Together!

Man, if I was a bird species...and some damn butterfly tried to evolve to become inedible to me...whether by being poisonous, or I don't know, just plain unpalatable - you know, à la your Monarchs or whatever? The second some butterfly tried that move, that would be it for them. I'd be like, "oh, so we can't eat you, is that the idea? Okay, I guess I can't eat you. However I can still beak you to death and spit you out, you foul-tasting flutterbug! BYAAAH! Like that?? DO YA!!?"

Only I'd say all that in birdsong, of course. Pretty!

Why should you give them a free pass, when they've taken direct steps to screw you out of a meal? You do that, they'll just keep on multiplying and multiplying - come on birds! Get it together. Get strategic on this. They're only bugs! You on the other hand are the higher order of being here. You're holding the cards. It's only an evolutionary benefit to the butterfly if you play into it.

If I was a bird species I would make it my business to kill every dang butterfly there was, except the very most delicious of butterflies. These would then multiply to fill the ecosystem, and me and my species would be living fat on the hog for the duration.


Saturday, April 19, 2008

What the Hell Was I Going On About, Earlier...?

I remember thinking, "this would make a good blog post."

But surprisingly, it doesn't. It's falling a bit flat.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

With Kind Regards,

What is this "Kind regards" business? It seems to have crept into wide use as a signoff, as a business signoff on an e-mail or a letter. But what the hell are people trying to saying here, about their regards? Isn't it all a bit self-congratulatory? "Ah, how kind are my regards, see how I favor you with only the kindest regards!" Really? Okay. I'll take your word for it, I guess.

But maybe they're kidding you, though - see, with "Sincerely," at least you know they're not kidding you about the nature of their regards!

"Sincere best regards," I can live with. At least you're not patting yourself on the back over how "kind" your regards are. You're just saying, "hey, these regards are the best I could come up with. Really."

If we can give "Kind regards," what's stopping us there? Seems like so many adjectives can step right in, once you've opened the door to paying yourself compliments on your own damn regards, that you see fit to dole out so magnanimously. Why not, "Gracious regards,"? "Benevolent regards," sounds pretty good. Much classier than "Kind"! "Munificent regards," maybe - or for that extra special touch of class: "Regal regards,"..."Exalted regards,". Once you've crossed that line, why settle for regards that are merely kind?

If on the other hand, let's say you're feeling a little superior to the recipient. Maybe your regards are so kind that you're really doing the other person a favor by even replying to their e-mail. You may want to convey that, in a suitably classy and subtle fashion: "Merciful regards," "Charitable regards,". Perfect! The recipient will be impressed by how merciful and charitable your graciously bestowed regards are. They will say, "ah, he or she didn't have to favor me with such charitable, merciful regards. A lot of people just settle for kindness!"

Another approach would be to send a message by taking it in the opposite direction: "Cruel regards,". "Grudging regards,". "Malicious regards,". "Seething regards"! Now that will get their attention! That's got some fire to it! And while we're talking fire, if you're really feeling the love towards your correspondent - "kind" is so tame. Why not express your regards with a little more umph - "Passionate regards," or "Ever-lovin' regards," perhaps?

Once you get the hang of it, you may want to try extolling the formal or artistic qualities of your regards with a gushing 2-word critique:

"Poetic regards,"

"Divine regards,"

"Transcendent regards,"

Or you might go the Movie Critic blurb route:

"Thrilling regards,"

"Spectacular regards,"

"Terrifying regards,"

There's nothing really stopping you at that point. You can characterize your regards however you like.

I mean, just how kind are your regards? You might want to think about it.


Thursday, April 10, 2008

Open Dream Journal #23: You Have No Right

I had the weirdest dream last night. You know that Phil Collins movie, Against All Odds? Well okay, he wasn't in it, but it was his song. The dream started out, I was watching that movie. But then before long I lost perspective. As one does in dreams, I got sucked in. Suddenly I was in it. I was living the movie.

I hasten to point out that I've never seen the movie. In fact, the entirety of that movie that I've actually seen can be contained in the clips from the video for Phil Collins's "Against All Odds." So I was forced to improvise. Quite a bit.

I have to say, as sucky as that movie probably was, it had to have been better than what I came up with. And to make matters worse, my conscious dream-mind was in total disagreement with my subconscious as to what direction the movie was supposed to go. My subconscious seemed to think it was some kind of gritty corruption/drug running/love triangle. I ended up trying to turn it into a musical. I was really revving up into my big musical number "...well, you have nooo riiiiiiiiiight...!" when suddenly the look of utter dismay in the eyes of my female romantic lead (part played by one of my work contacts who has always thought very well of me, and vice versa, really, the last person I'd want to unimpress so it was very painful and awkward to say the least) the look of utter dismay in her eyes caught me aback, and suddenly I realized...!

That's "Separate Lives." This is Against All Odds.

God, how embarrassing. What a mistake to make.

After that, there was no question of me winning her away from her overbearing shady business kingpin creep of a husband.

But I guess that's a good thing, though! In reality, they're happily married.


No longer can I claim "perfect deviled eggs, every time." No longer. The streak is over. I just made some deviled eggs, just now - just a little snack for myself, I needed a little something before bed since I'd had only a little light dinner, real early, before pool. And deviled eggs - perfect! Just what's called for. And you know what? These deviled eggs were excellent.

But they had a little too much mayonnaise. And that never happens! - because frankly, I'm not a fan of the mayonnaise - but yet this time, it did. It did happen. So the streak's over. These deviled eggs, though they hit the spot perfectly, I had to admit that they were not in perfect in and of themselves. THEY WERE NOT PERFECT. Streak's over.

Oh well. That just frees me up to get more adventurous.

Thought of the Day pt. 31

You know, as long as I've been doing this blog, numbering the Thought of the Day posts this way makes it look like I only get a thought every couple of weeks, tops!

Well allow me to disabuse you of that notion. I get at least 2 or 3 "thought of the day" worthy thoughts per week - but it's just that I forget them just as fast.

See, I wouldn't want people to get a bad opinion of my mind. I have a very prolific mind.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Rock Of Love 2, How Dare You!?

So tonight's "Rock Of Love 2" is a repeat of Sunday's which we didn't see, and it's down to the final four. Tension getting high! They're in Vegas! Fights breaking out - Bret's pissed, this isn't the party he ordered for his Sin City delectation. Who will be kicked out, and who will stay in Bret's world to rock the house?

It can't get anymore dramatastic, right? Suspense killing us all, right? Well, it was - right up until the commercial break! When suddenly without spoiler warning they play an ad for the DVD and sneak peak you a look at the final episode - showing who's left!! - Amber and Daisy! GOD!! Why were we even watching the show? They just totally spoiled the rest of the high-pitched leadup to the season finale!

Whichever VH-1 affiliated licenser approved that boneheaded promo spot just lost themselves a potential customer for their product. That's just appalling.

Sheeeeeit. I don't even care which of those two wins now. All the fun's gone out of it.

I Keep Checking And Checking This Guy's Blog And He's Not Updating!

Do you think he's all right? I hope he's okay.

I don't want to link to it or anything. Maybe he just doesn't want to be disturbed. I don't want to go contrary to his wishes.

But I mean, it's so out of character for him! I mean, I don't actually know the guy...but. You know. It still seems out of character. Seems out of character in the way it might seem out of character for someone you've got a really limited idea of, and then they do something out of character for them. As far as you know.

Anyway I'm getting really worried. He didn't even put up a note to say. All indications normal, just that last post still sitting here like he keeled over in between interesting, blog-worthy life events and now he'll never reach that next one.

See, this is one reason I don't like to blog about any actual life events. That risk. I don't want people thinking of me that way, as someone they know and cherish and worry about (present real-life aquaintences are, as always, excluded). I can't take that burden on. It would be too great to bear, albeit, in both senses of the word "great." I mean, I wouldn't completely mind. But overall I've got to put my foot down.

So anyway, I'm giving this guy 'til tomorrow. Come on buddy. Counting on you.

Out-Of-Context-Comments-On-Other-People's-Sites #3: Peter Hook - the Best There Is at What He Do

Out of context comment on somebody's messageboard:
Come on. On the 3rd page about Favorite Bassists and not ONE SPOT OF LOVE for Peter Hook???

What is he, the bass antichrist or something, for developing such a gimmicky yet seductively influential melodic approach? Not like he did it first, but best is better then first. Yes it is. Yes. It is. Best is WAY better than first. Unless whoever's first were to be only a teensy little bit below whoever's best on the goodness scale, in which it a tie.

Actually, strike that. Even then, best is still just that little bit better.

I think people just give all the props to first 'cause it doesn't strain their critical faculties. Just look at a calendar.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Reincarnation, Pt.2

In my next life, I want to come back as God.

Reincarnation? Oh God Please No

I loooooathe the very idea of reincarnation. It just skeeves me out. What have these past-life fuckers to do with me? I am not them. I never was them. I am nothing to do with them. In what sense can I be said to have ever been them?

We share nothing. No commonality. Neither mind, nor body, nor memory - nothing that one could call the self. So they lived and died and disappeared, and then supposedly their "life force" re-entered the world the instant my egg got spermed - not their mind, mind you! Not their memory, not their self, nothing that could rightly be called a soul - just their "life force." Which in this context appears to be some sort of spiritual electricity that animates one's being.

So again, how exactly does that make them ME? It doesn't! In what sense do they belong to me? How does that make them my "past life"? Especially since a lot of the time these New Age crapheads say crap like "...their essence returns to the Light, and then comes forth again..." Well, so it's not even theirs! It's just the same crap from the same source that everybody uses, and there's nothing of you or me in it whatsoever! All it does is get your being going - there is absolutely no sense in which the light WAS them, or the light IS me - the light is just the juice that moves us. The only link between me and any supposed past life is that we were both plugged into the same socket. So what? We're entirely different appliances! I might as well unplug my toaster, plug in my Gibson SG, and then huddle together with them both, hugging them and saying "you are soul children now!"


I hate these past life fuckers. I had nothing to do with them. I did not control their actions! Why should I have to pay their consequences? Karma can kiss my ass! These past-lifers have no right to influence the way I was born, or the form I've taken, or the events that befall my life. It's injustice of the worst sort!

I mean, they must have been so bad. God, I wish there was some way I could make them pay for this! But no, I am punished - for their misdeeds and bad attitudes, I am the one who pays now.

Burn in HELL, past lives!

By the Way...

I don't really talk like this. I mean, I DO - that is to say, I can - but it doesn't read the same when I'm speaking.

Majestic Dragon Just Rules

Okay, so I've decided my blog needs to be more like other peoples' blog, and that means linking to good stuff as a hint to those not in the know.

I am ADDICTED to MAJESTIC DRAGON from Channel 102!! Or now it's not from Channel 102 anymore, it's from "Channel 101: NY." They got subsumed.

The word of the day is..."subsumed."

Majestic Dragon Episode 1:

Majestic Dragon Episode 2:

I want that coffee cup.


That's right! APRIL is POETRY MONTH! So accordingly I will open the comments space of this post for READER-SUBMITTED POEMS.

Don't put it in there unless you actually wrote it, okay!? JEESH, the NERVE, people!

Also, be mindful of copyright. Make sure you've got all your ducks in a row, that-wise.

What else.

Nothing, I guess - POEMS AWAY!!

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Work: Yeah, Sure I Guess!

A lot of people ask me, "hey man, with all your talents and skills, with your sheer force of personality, with all your hundreds of songs that you've written, with your plethora of screenplay ideas, with your one half-done actual screenplay, with your rare knack for a witty non mot or bon sequitur, with your sheer force of personality, why aren't you doing something spectacular with your life? Why are you stuck working some office-style job? Why?"

Yes, that is a direct quote. I don't know why so many people choose exactly the same words to give voice to their confusion on that score. Apparently I inspire a very highly-specific confusion in others, such that the feelings engendered just want to express themselves in very precise words. It's getting so I can finish up the whole speech in unison with them, but I'd rather not mock anyone paying me a compliment, so I don't.

Anyway, to answer the question "why?"

Well, because I like it. I like working in jobland, living in housetown. I think a lot of these people dreaming about rock stardom or hollywood celebrity, or praying to win the lottery or what have you, I think a lot of these people are cheating themselves out of one of adulthood's most deeply satisfying pleasures: the simple joy of a job well done. The good feeling that comes from an honest day's work for a hard day's pay.

I see plenty of people at work who take pride in what they do. It's an important part of their self-image. I think they get what I'm talking about. Sure, like everyone they'll make those sorts of cracks about the whole drudgery aspect. But you can tell underneath it they've got that zeal.

When I get home at the end of a hard-earned day, I feel like I can respect myself for having done my part, and that the rest of the day - I can goof off! I love to goof off.

Especially at work. Which brings the whole thing sort of "full circle."

Racially Provocative Thought of the Day

I enjoy being white, but it's not something I admire in other people.

Been Watching Too Much Alton Brown on Food Network

That guy's great. It's crazy some of the stuff he comes up with. He'll take anything and make the making of it into food an interesting process. It makes you look around at the world in a new way - like just about anything could be Good Eats.

My forearm looks like it could be a sweet cut of meat. I've never been the slightest bit attracted to cannibalism as far as other people go - humans are such dirty animals - but as far as my own, I picture that glazed with honey and black peppercorn, and served with a side of polenta. Now you're talking!

Or my entire right thigh would make an AWESOME bone-in roast.

But I kind of need it to get around, so.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Less Thoughts on Reality

Reality is an angel with a busted halo and one wing in a sling. Reality holds the cards, but face-out, so it can't see its own hand. Reality has roughly the same effect whether you're a stiff breeze or a smooth rock sunning in a shallow tide pool. Reality cheats when it has to. Reality gets more interesting the less you pay attention to it. Reality has a way of sneaking up on the insane. Reality encompasses many, many different kinds of cheese - most of them equally valid.

Reality has a little bit to do with you and a little bit to do with me. Reality doesn't want to know what love is. Reality keeps intruding on your dreams. Reality wasn't the first thing you became aware of. Reality decides whether or not it exists. Reality would prefer to remain anonymous. Reality is not to be anthropomorphized.

Reality has never lost a fight.

Reality is a splendid and convincing liar. Reality beats the alternative. Reality has nowhere else to go. Reality gets the most out of itself. Reality has never been wrong about one thing.

Reality takes the rest of us for granted.

Reality doesn't have much to say for itself. Reality puts its best foot right where you might not want it. Reality seems a bit too much, sometimes.

Just sometimes.

More Thoughts on Reality

~ "____________ is a hypothetical medium through which one individual interacts with another hypothetical individual." ~

You could fill in the blank with "Reality," or you could fill it in with "The English language," and either one works perfectly. But why don't we ever talk about whether the English language exists? ~

I have to say, I take a linguistic view when it comes to reality. Reality exists by definition: reality is that which exists. Now, someone might call that circular reasoning, but such a one needs to reconcile himself to the existence of dictionaries. There are certain things that do not depend on logical argument for their validity, and the set denotative value of a common English word is one of them. There is no reason and there need be no reason why "cow" means cow, why "thimble" means thimble, why "reality" means reality.

Reality is simply what we call all of this. Calling reality illusion may be an attempt at cleverness or paradox, but really all it shows is that you don't know how to use either word properly in a sentence. It isn't a sign of enlightenment, it's a sign of mental confusion.

Now, whether "all of this" might in some way not be all it seems...well, okay! Could be. Whether there may be some greater Fact behind it all, something that we can't yet see, something so much more transcendentally substantial that by comparison with it, our known reality would seem a mere shadow or wisp of vapors...! Could be. Or maybe our world is a computer simulation from an alien realm, or a dream dreamt by sleeping Chthonic gods...could be.

Who cares, though? I mean, such things are fun to think about, but they don't change the true nature of reality - reality as we mean it. It's our word, it's a very straightforward word: it means what we mean by it. It means what we mean through it - two people, interacting through reality, discussing it using words, using language. And really, humans using English are by and large quite united in the concept of what "reality" denotes, of what the common and accepted sense of the word reality is. With the exception of a few goofballs who (if they were honest with themselves) would probably admit they're speaking more metaphorically anyhow, people understand reality to refer to that zone between us and around us that resolutely remains between us and around us - stubbornly, serenely regardless of all our arguments concerning reality.

It doesn't matter to me whether reality itself "exists" or not, in any greater sense. It exists in the common and usual sense. I will prefer the common and usual sense, which is known, to a greater sense which is entirely hypothetical. Spare me your coy Buddhist evasions, your negation of others disguised as self-abnegation, your koan jobs. It's cowardice. It's a backing down from what we already know to be true. Even if we believe there's something else - something greater! - that doesn't mean that this is a jot less valid than we have already found it to be.

Yes, Virginia. We all know what reality is, and what it means. It surrounds us, and we fill it up. Many of us differ in our interpretations of it, but it takes a rank solipsist to deny the basic, shared, experiential aspect of that world - which is what we call reality.

Thoughts of the Day about the Nature of Reality

Belief and disbelief have an equal effect on reality, which is to say: no effect.

Reality is wholly immune to disbelief, and wholly independent of belief.

In some cases it isn't directly possible to ascertain whether a given proposition is true or untrue, but we know that our mere belief or disbelief will not alter its reality or unreality. If a thing is real, disbelief won't dissolve it. If a thing is unreal, belief won't solidify it.

It's true that all of the above is obvious. You'd be surprised how many people would dispute it, though.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Casually Observed

Any time the Big Bopper appears in a movie, that's bad news for Ritchie Valens.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

The High Cost of Fitness

A commercial just came on tv. A commercial for fitness. For exercise.

The announcer said that on average, every hour you spend in regular, strenuous exercise adds two hours of life expectancy.

Now, I want you to think about that for a minute.

In fact, I want them to think about it. I think they should rethink this campaign. They shouldn't be broadcasting that statistic. They should hush that up. That's not going to ensnare any converts to the cause. Not unless they're morons.

I mean, sure. It sounds good for a second. You're getting two more hours...of life! Wonderful!

Except, really you're only getting one hour net. You had to spend one hour exercising, in order to get those two hours of life expectancy. That's negative one plus two. Which equals one.

Okay, but it's still another hour of life, right? An hour you can spend however you like! Right? A bonus hour of precious, blessed LIFE!!'s at the end of your life...and whatever's going on in that hour, you're probably not going to enjoy it nearly as much as much as what you could have enjoyed doing during that hour you just wasted exercising.

Am I wrong about the math on this? It just seems like a bad deal! You don't know what you're getting in that extra hour. You have no idea. Could be pleasant. Could suck. It's a totally unknown quantity. But to get that extra hour (which again, falls at the end of your life expectancy), you DO KNOW that you will be spending a grueling, strenuous hour in hardship and misery.

You want an extra hour? Keep that hour. Do something else in that hour. Something more worthwhile and enriching than grunting and sweating and grimacing and flopping around.

You can't get that hour back. Or yeah, technically you do get it back. But they stick it where you won't want it.

Maybe if they upped it to three hours that might be worth it. Still be a bit of a gamble...but at least it's a bit more of a return on your investment.

On Hypocrisy Pt. 2

Actually, it's not On Hypocrisy, it's supposed to be On something else. I had an idea and some keen insights on something earlier, but it wasn't hypocrisy. I feel like it's some similar issue. Definitely not hypocrisy though.

It was pretty deep. Something that needs to be said.

I don't get it, why can't I remember?

Was it something political?

Maybe it was about...integrity?

No wait. How could it be about that. Integrity is self-explanatory.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

You know,

You know, I bet I start a lot of posts with, "You know,"


Being a Bit of a Critic Myself

You know sometimes, when a critic really eviscerates a movie that I really wanted to love, I still have to sit back and cackle gleefully at how well they did the job.

Good one, Owen Gleiberman.

Star Wars: A Succinct Reassessment

You know, I think that at this point we can all let go of our varying degrees of disappointment over the last 3 Star Wars movies to come out, and say "hey! That damn George Lucas...he built something that will last forever."

Speaking for myself, the cringe parts of the prequels have faded in memory - and what's left has in fact enriched the actual trilogy to a not inconsiderable degree.

So what the heck. Good job.

EDIT: I guess.

April Fool!

April Fool's Day is pretty sweet. You get like, one free lie on whoever you meet!

Make sure it's a good one.

Now, I'm not too clear on the rules. So I have to ask: must you absolutely, always immediately let them know that it's a lie, by crying out "April Fool!" right then? I don't think that's absolutely necessary. I mean, yes, sure, you DO have to say it! But I don't think you have to say it immediately. You can let it play out a little. Give the joke a little room to breathe, first.

April Fool's Day might be a good day to unobtrusively steer conversations into areas where you know someone's been dying to ask you a particular question, but you've successfully evaded them up to this point. Get those questions out of the way today. But: VERY IMPORTANT! Jot it down. Make a note of it. Then if it comes up years later, you can say "did I say that? Did I say that I never cheated on you? Let me check my notes. Ah yes...there it is! Ah, ah, ah! See what day that was, darling?"

"April Fool!"